It’s been a really long time since I sat down at this blank page spilling my guts out or as anyone who knows me well would say having my usual verbal diarrhea. Opening up about what our family has been through has always came with its positives and negatives. I felt a weight lifting off […]

Read more "Super Mum or Super Fraud?"

“Mummy, how did our baba get a tube in his belly?” We were struggling to come to terms with what this new diagnoses meant for Nathanael, and what it meant for us as a family. While at the same time trying to hold it together for Alfie and be the ‘perfect’ parents at the same […]

Read more "Whats it all about Alfie?"

Our consultant is some kind of genius, Paul and I think so much of him and we literally take his word as gospel. We have to.   He has the hardest job and you can see it in his eyes when he’s breaking news that he knows he is accidentally the person who is crumbling your […]

Read more "“We Have Misdiagnosed Your Baby”"

“It’s lovely to see a ‘wee’ man like that in the morning” I was as usual a little over sensitive and this comment struck me as unsympathetic as they come, I’m standing with my bald pale baby in the Cancer Centre. Really is it lovely? It was day eight out of twenty at radiotherapy and […]

Read more "Can we do this Alone?"

It’s our new ritual and part of our coping mechanism that we get a coffee out of the petrol station before heading up to the hospital. It helps me feel awake and I imagine it to be my one happy time in the day until we next load Nate into the car at home time. […]

Read more "Radiotherapy – It’s just like an X-ray?"

After our conversation with our consultant we went home having the success of surgery stolen from us. The next few days we focused on making Alfie feel like he had his family back and making sure Nathanael’s recovery continued. He only had a two-day window to recover before we went back to his weekly chemotherapy […]

Read more "Can We Run Away?"

PICU Its short for Paediatric Intensive Care Unit I suppose it should really be short for, ‘your child is fighting for his life’. For many parents to describe it as a nightmare would be insulting and patronising so I won’t go there, but I will tell you that the parents I crossed paths with while […]

Read more "Don’t Take The Light Away"

Surgery was like waiting on the most terrifying storm to break. We didn’t know what to expect and the fear of the unknown was somewhat unbearable. The effects of chemotherapy had been such a distraction from the reality that the tumour had to eventually come out. The chemotherapy seemed to do its job though, we […]

Read more "Removing the Monster that Lived Inside – Surgery"

Paul and I were ready to take on whatever we had to. We knew that this diagnosis meant we would be starting chemotherapy and it was important there was no delay on treatment. Our baby needed urgent care and after officially confirming from two separate pathologists that it was definitely Wilms, our consultant was able […]

Read more "The Beginning of Treatment"

When I start to write it all down I start to realise that every day we were venturing further and further into something you can never be prepared for. I definitely wasn’t prepared for this. I loved my family and as anyone who knows me will tell you I enjoyed life and even more I […]

Read more "Misshapen"